Marrying Ross Poldark- Demelza's Success As A High Society Darling (Becoming The Ideal Above Elizabeth)

 

'She mixed now with the highest people in Cornwall, not merely the gentry but the nobility, and they accepted her- or appeared to accept her-as one of themselves. She also mixed with the miners and the fisherfolk, and they accepted her too.'

Narrative of Demelza 'The Angry Tide' (Book 1 Chapter 1 part 3)

Though Demelza became the wife of Ross Poldark, a Cornish gentleman, at the age of seventeen, and though she was his wife for the remaining thirty three years of the saga, from the outset there was an imbalance of status between them that was quite overt. In the early pages of the saga Demelza was introduced and described as an 'urchin', 'beggar' and 'miner's daughter'. She was also referred to as a 'kitchenmaid' and later on Demelza even once referred to herself as a 'miner's wench'. In contrast Ross was described as a 'gentleman' and a 'country squire' who therefore, and despite his rebellious spirit, was part of the Cornish gentry. Ross may have been impoverished, but still, even if he did not think so himself, the vast difference in his status against Demelza's was too wide to be unnoticed. For instance, on their very first meeting, this could not have been emphasised more than when saving Demelza from a fight over her dog and Ross thinking her to be a scruffy skinny boy. But then, with Demelza already presenting as a character with traits of humility and deference, she herself thought him to be a great man who was so above her and whose time she did not wish for him to waste on her. So the narrative for a key plot point in the Ross and Demelza love story had an emphasis on Demelza's status being so far below Ross's. This post seeks to explore each of their attitudes towards this difference in station and how feeling herself unworthy Demelza still managed to transcend her lowly origins to become a high society darling. This of course is relevant when considering what worked or aided the success, stability and longevity of their marriage. 

Indeed Ross and Demelza's compatibility of mindset is evident in many ways, but of significance for their marriage was Demelza outperforming expectations (including her own) in relation to becoming part of Ross's community, how this added to her understated profile and Winston Graham's subtle messaging that it was really Demelza that was Ross's true ideal woman all along. As part of that, Ross and Demelza's differing classes could have indeed impacted on the marriage. The status imbalance of this could have been problematic on a number of counts and the impact could then have extended perhaps even to their livelihoods and their general progression in life together if they were ostracised. Of course the initial success for them included that the marriage started as loveless on Ross’s side until after one seemingly magical and moonlit night six weeks later when Ross realised he was in love with Demelza after all. But the status imbalance certainly could have created marital tension that was damaging and disruptive to their union. However, as covered in the last essay, namely; Demelza's Triumph in Marital Love And Happiness, the foundational elements that made Ross and Demelza's marriage a long term success were very much achieved early in the marriage and sustained thereafter. As the 'engaging and vital' character who changed the course of Ross's life, Demelza managed to grow into it in more ways than one. This included somehow managing to be embraced by Ross's society, which was a whole new world for Demelza. 

A Whole New World: A Class Apart

A Rich Eminent Wife That Was Of No Concern To Ross

'With his ancient name, he could of course have gone into society and paid violent court to some daughter of the new rich and have settled down to a life of comfortable boredom on the marriage dowry. But he couldn't see such an adventure seriously.'

 Ross's thoughts -'Ross Poldark' Internal Book 3 Chapter 1 

Before considering Demelza's success as a lowly wife winning over Ross's community of gentlefolk, it is important to appreciate that the success of their marriage did not really rest on Demelza's status and it was not really such an important issue for Ross. This post follows, and is part of a series of 'Marrying Ross Poldark' essays where Demelza's decision to marry Ross is considered within the context of the perceived threat of his first love; Elizabeth. However, for some readers Ross’s status was so clearly so much more superior to Demelza’s that for these readers it might feel like the decision for them to get married was in reality really 'Ross's decision', and that the marriage was something that Demelza would not only agree to automatically without question, as if it was a given, but that she was the only one that was to gain from the marriage. 

Demelza being the sole winner from the marriage is of course for those that prioritise material gain above gains of the spirit. For many others, along with the concept that the best things in life are free, gains through love and beautiful companionship offer intrinsically greater riches than property, money and status in a spouse. Though naturally those material things can make life more easier but may not make an incompatible couple more loving and happy with each other. From the extracted narrative above Ross really did reject the idea of looking for a wife with status and money, but he instead seemed to care more about compatibility. His more progressive attitude on this matter meant that he could set aside Demelza's humble beginnings when considering if she could be a good wife for him, but also that even if Demelza as his wife had not eventually wowed in high society, this would not likely have been a source of disappointment in her to Ross.

'If one overlooked her beginnings she was a not unsuitable match for an impoverished farmer squire......and she had grown into his life in a way he had hardly realised.'

 Ross's thoughts on marrying Demelza -'Ross Poldark' Internal Book 3 Chapter 1 

In light of the above, some readers may have felt in real time, or even retrospectively, from much later in the saga, that Ross did a disservice to himself through his choice of lowly wife. But they may therefore do so based on their own attitudes and values and not quite share those that Ross held for himself. Of course it would be Ross's outlook and values which would ultimately lead to his own happiness and peace, rather than if values were imposed on him, such as by his class and societal trends. Indeed it is not uncommon to crave things for others that stem from personal values, but which would not align with, and which therefore would not make this other person happy. That is because they are moved and feel feelings based on their own different outlooks and urges. In fact Winston Graham wrote that Ross had '...a sense of half-bitter amusement that his marriage would finally damn him in the eyes of his own class.' 

Though Ross was proved to be wrong about being damned by his own class, that thought does shows Ross as a non conformist against societal expectations, and as a man who relished in this too and so where some readers may not have shared in his position. It serves as text narrative evidence of Ross only doubling down against the other outlook that counters his choice of marrying a former street urchin and those who saw it as a horror or just poor judgment. Where some may have been put off or not fully on board with Ross picking up a waif and marrying her even when she grew prettier but was still so low class, Ross on the other hand was amused by Demelza and irrespective of her background also grew increasingly proud of her over time. Her status did not cause him to be unhappy with her and in fact he more consciously became aware in those first six weeks of marriage, and thereafter, that she did indeed make him happy. His attitude lessened that pressure on Demelza.

The Greatest Thing Above Status 

'For while the man who slept with his kitchenmaid only aroused sly gossip, the man who married her made himself personally unacceptable in their sight.'

Ross's initial view on how Demelza would be received as his wife 'Ross Poldark' Internal Book 3 Chapter 1 

Previous posts have documented that Ross also did not do away with ambitions for a union with a rich wife from his community just so that he could marry Demelza out of a sense of duty. Instead it was a 'way out' for him of his misery. That misery following the disappointment of Elizabeth's broken promise to marry him may well have indeed been his fate anyway had he married a rich wife that he was not compatible with. Clearly Ross's frame of mind was different to how other gentlemen of that time would have been. The average man then, may have tried for the best of both worlds and kept their kitchen maid as a mistress while having secured a rich and eminent wife for themselves. Otherwise, if not a rich wife, they then at least one who would be considered more acceptable within their community. With that might then be a wife from an impoverished family like Elizabeth was, but one who was still of the same class. 

An example of Ross feeling detachment from the issue of Demelza's station was when she did not want to go to Trenwith for a first Christmas there where she would be introduced to his family as his new wife. She had told Ross that she was not of "their kind" and Ross told her "Your mother bore you in the same way as theirs." This accords with Ross's values of not just dismissing the idea of marrying a woman of his station but also that he did not consider that class determined the quality and substance of a woman, or any person for that matter. Graham's narrative included that Ross did not consider Demelza a 'common substitute' against a woman of higher class. Indeed Graham wrote that Ross wanted Elizabeth '..to see that he had been content with no common substitute.' Further to that he wrote that Ross was 'not in the least ashamed of Demelza.' ('Ross Poldark' Book 3 Chapter 7) Of course this is a more supportive, less judgmental and less pressurised attitude than if he were to have made Demelza feel that she had to act and perform as something other than herself. 

Demelza's Motivation: Attachment Not Advancement 

'She couldn't leave this...She was fiercely attached to it. And of course to Ross... Not until she came here had she lived at all.'

Demelza's thoughts on the possibility of having to leave Nampara ('Ross Poldark' Book 2 Chapter 5)

So having considered Ross's point of view,  what about Demelza's? If many readers subconsciously thought that the risk in this marriage was generally on Ross's side, rather than Demelza’s, and that he had more to lose than her, what did Demelza think? This question would, and did put some stress on her to not be the wife that brought her husband down and caused him disappointment in her. Without even knowing her, Ross's community of gentlemen and women could have viewed his marriage to someone who was practically from the begging class as such that should cause them to freeze him out. Demelza could have been considered a brazen chancer seeking to rise above her station and viewed suspiciously without friendliness and warmth because of it. But on Demelza's side, her intentions were pure. She certainly was not framed by Winston Graham as a gold digger or someone seeking class advancement, either at the start or throughout the marriage. Instead social advancement was not shown to be a matter that motivated Demelza at all. Neither did she yearn to be in with the gentry due to vanity and ego.

'...there she would be working in a home where no kindness had been shown here. Here, for all her ties, she was free; and she worked with people she had grown to like and for a man she adored... Her soul had blossomed under them.'

('Ross Poldark' Book 2 Chapter 5)

Demelza had indeed pursued Ross and initiated a sexual relationship with him for fear her father would remove her from Nampara. At the root of this mission was her love of Ross and the desire to remain in her new found sanctuary, away from cruelty, but where she was willing to work hard. Demelza had wanted to stay with the man she secretly loved and her father's threat gave her the idea to pursue something with Ross that she would not have entertained or had the bravery for. That is not without that threat being the stimulus for her to take action. But even then she did not know this would end in marriage and her becoming Ross's wife instead of perhaps just being his mistress at the very most. While it did happen that Ross had married down and Demelza had married up (but did so for love), Demelza had not calculated and connived like Keren Daniels who clearly did so and pursued Dwight Enys with the specific goal of elevating herself. Demelza's elevation was inadvertent. 

A Reluctant Social Charmer: Demelza's Quest For Her Husband

“I think . . . tis wrong that you should not mix more with your own folk and – and be a person of importance among them. This was a chance to be . . . I want you to have the respect you are entitled to.”

Demelza to Ross 'The Black moon' (Book 1 Chapter eight ) 

So while Demelza did gain from her marriage to Ross on a material basis, (particularly later in the marriage after they went from impoverished to financially comfortable), and while she was being elevated in status from gentleman's wife to unexpectedly a titled lady much later, these were not improved circumstances that Demelza could have foreseen or known to be a certainty for the future when she first married Ross. Any suspicion that in marrying Ross Demelza was motivated by anything other than love, is clearly dispelled in the narrative. Winston Graham painted a portrait of Demelza as a woman who was not arrogant and was not particularly ambitious to be emersed in the gentry community. Other than trying to fit in she did not wish to flaunt herself there and with her instead fearing this community and their possible judgment on her impacting theirs of Ross too, her suggestion sometimes was for Ross to attend gentry events on his own without her. 

Despite her fears, it so happened that, while being a natural social animal, charmer and fast learner, Demelza did eventually come to enjoy the parties and realised that just as much as there were in the lower class, there were also nice friendly people in the upper class too, and that furthermore they seemed to like her. Still, above her own enjoyment Demelza's attitude was still overly concerned, not with herself impressing and being embraced into higher society from a place of vanity, but with Ross being amongst his own and continuing to be respected in his community. As a signal of her humility and a great quality for a wife, Demelza wanted to do well in Ross's community primarily for his benefit rather than for her own ego. 

Examples of Demelza's concern for Ross to be respected in society despite his marriage to her include her insisting on two Christening parties for Julia. This was so that a potential bad mix with the 'common folk' and Ross's friends from the gentry would not lead to embarrassment for him. Also when in light of her pregnancy of Clowance she did not want to escort Ross to a party hosted by Ralph Daniel in ‘The Black Moon’. Instead she encouraged Ross to go by himself saying "But it might be good – it must be good for you to be more among your own kind." When as evidence that Ross’s marriage to Demelza did not result in doors closing on Ross, and Ralph Daniel offered him the position of magistrate for Truro, Demelza was disappointed he turned this down. As with the quote above Demelza wanted Ross to mix with his own folk and felt he was entitled to take up positions of importance. In response to his objection she said to him “But a person has a rightful place in the world, and yours is – is in some such position. You are by birth a squire and – and seeing to the law is what squires do. It grieves me that you had to refuse.” But Ross’s refusal only emphasises what has been said above. This is that Ross was never really concerned with riches and status like the reader may have been for him. Therefore neither did Ross feel it important for his wife of lower class to at least be very socially ambitious and to ensure she was embraced like a person of importance, unless this was based on her character. 

‘It wouldn’t have been an embarrassment exactly, it wouldn’t have been laughter . . . except maybe laughter at myself. But some folk are just not born to – to – to – to . . .Well, to carry a Lady in front of their name!’

Demelza's thoughts about the prospects of becoming 'Lady Poldark'

Late in the books, (by which time she had been a gentleman's wife longer than she had been a miner's daughter), Demelza still had thoughts which demonstrated her humility in failing to recognise her own success, value and appeal to others. Instead with consistency she focused on Ross’s. For instance, in 'Demelza' Winston Graham wrote of Demelza's thoughts that Julia would be proud of Ross, while he further narrated that it did not occur to Demelza that Julia would be proud of her too. Demelza was very much unlike Elizabeth who was keen to become a lady because as Winston Graham wrote '..Elizabeth had been conscious ever since she married George of having lowered herself in the eyes of the county; this (title) would make up.' Again, even though they came from the same class Demelza was still so much unlike how Keren Daniels was in how she craved status and money. If bestowed with the title of 'Lady' as Demelza was, Keren would surely have gloated and enjoyed it with some glee and arrogance in lauding herself over her fellow villagers as if she was then above them. Instead Demelza thought it a personal laughing matter for her to have this title and felt that she was unworthy of it. As with her extracted comment above she had suggested to Ross in 'The Loving Cup' that like her some people were not born to carry that title and that a title suited him, not her. Caroline had the measure of Demelza when she told Ross that Demelza would love for him to accept a title and as he protested she stated “But she would adore it – perhaps not being called Lady Poldark, but at least that you should be Sir Ross!”

A Timid And Nervous Start For Demelza

'She would do all she could. Learn to be a lady, learn to grow old with grace and charm. She was only young yet, so there was still a chance to learn.'

Narrative of Demelza's aspirations 'Demelza'  (Book 2 Chapter 12)

Regardless of Ross's attitude of dismissing anyone in his community that was judgmental and turned their nose up at Demelza due to her class, in her love of him she did not wish for this to be the cost to him of marrying her. When thrown into the deep end Demelza did not want to embarrass him and it seemed that this was her greater concern over embarrassing herself. For instance, at Julia's Christening party Winston Graham conveyed Demelza's first thought on realising her father had gate-crashed this to show off unbecoming manners to Ross's friends and associates. He wrote that she had then thought that 'All her efforts were in vain, and Ross would be the laughing stock of the district.' She did not first think of herself being so. Again after the party had ended Demelza cried to Ross that she had not wanted to disgrace him and it would be the talk of the district. Again with a consistency of attitude Graham wrote how Demelza was irritated by Ross's dismissal of the importance of this and again of Ross's disinterest in his wife not happening to impress members of his community. Of course this was through her father's rough behaviour. However, this she felt exposed and highlighted her father's lower class and therefore by family association her's too. The blasé attitude of Ross's was echoed in his comment to her saying "What is there to fret about? Tittle tattle. If they have nothing better to do than prate..."  In reply Demelza stated that she was "...that grieved... I thought I would show 'em that I was a fit wife for you." She was concerned that she had disgraced him and that they would snicker behind their hands "..about Cap'n Poldark's wife, the Kitchen wench.." 'Demelza'  (Book 1 Chapter 3)

"He (Pascoe) had not even been to the Assembly last night yet he knew all about your success there....about how the ladies had said how beautiful you were and how the lord Lieutenant had wished to know your name."

Ross to Demelza after her attendance at her first ball  'Demelza' Internal book 2 Chapter 12

But despite Demelza feeling that for Ross's sake she needed to be as polished as the women of his gentry community, the christening incident with her father was just an initial stumbling block with Ross's wider community outside of Trenwith. Otherwise, and later on Demelza did end up setting such a good impression on Ross’s gentry community that even Elizabeth was put into her shadow. This was because Demelza was first quite the success at her and Ross's first Trenwith Christmas dinner together where she was introduced to the family and some of their friends. Then she was a sensation at her first high society fancy ball hosted by the Lord Lieutenant in 'Demelza'. As if honouring her character as a character in her own right, rather than just as the wife of Ross Poldark, the second book was titled 'Demelza' without her married surname and it seems part of the plot line was to document Demelza's journey of success in high society. Of course this was a big achievement because where Ross's first love, Elizabeth was a gentlewoman and already a part of Ross's community Demelza in comparison as the underdog, the miner's daughter and the former street urchin, had met the challenge of personal growth that the plot imposed on her. That was the plot of her becoming part of and ingratiated or embraced into this new higher community of Ross's too. With George Warleggan acknowledging Demelza success at the ball to Ross afterwards, she had achieved this beyond expectation at her very first coming out event.  

Ross's World- Demelza's Star Shines

'It was always a surprise to Ross how Demelza seemed to have the respect of so many difficult men. Francis would do anything for her. Sir John Trevaunance had sent over some hothouse peaches last week.'

'Jeremy Poldark'  Internal Book 2 Chapter 12

From that first outing in society Demelza's success was maintained. In meeting the challenge of blending in with Ross's community and not embarrassing him or herself, Demelza over achieved. This was despite her insecurities. Winston Graham noted Ross's pride in Demelza on numerous occasions as he saw how she gained the interest and admiration of many. That included many powerful men in high positions, but also ladies too. They attested to this, or others did on their behalf. Ross was surprised but pleased to learn from Pascoe that the Lord Lieutenant at Demelza's first coming out society party was impressed by her from afar. Indeed Ross recognised that many difficult men respected Demelza and that this included men that did not just pay '...her attentions because she was physically exciting and had a sharp wit.' 'Jeremy Poldark'  (Internal Book 2 Chapter 12) For instance Lord Falmouth mentioned her to Ross and referred to her as "a pretty wife and a worthy one." 

In addition to Lord Falmouth after only meeting Ralph Allen Daniel once in 'The Black Moon' Graham narrated in the next book that at Dwight and Caroline's wedding reception he '..greeted her like an old friend..' But he was not the only one. Lord De Dunstanville fed back to Ross about Demelza that he " ...found her a very taking person, with a wit as sharp as a knife and a warm sense of humour." 'The Angry Tide'  (Internal Book 2 Chapter 12) As for another difficult man, there was the Judge, Judge lister who Demelza tried to charm ahead of Ross's court trial only to irritate him when her motive became clear. Despite that, having uncharacteristically opened up to her in pleasant chat where he had greatly enjoyed her company and conversation before hand, he still referred to her in court as Ross's "deserving wife" who Ross could begin a new life with when he was found not guilty at his trial.

 

'She has such freshness, such a lack of artificiality, of pretence. I mean of course, as to her physical appearance, for I hardly know her; but I would suppose she is equally untrammelled by affectation in her personal life." 

Brigadier Gaston Rougiet talking about Demelza to Ross  -The Twisted Sword  (Internal Book 1 Chapter 6)

The adoration for Demelza by the gentry despite her low breeding was endless. Francis who liked Demelza from their first meeting, was impressed by her mettlesomeness and dismissed her lowly background as insignificant to him. He came to have great affection for her and before his death scene told her "I don't wonder that Ross loves you. For I could do so myself." Of course Hugh Armitage was taken with Demelza and her 'light'. He rejected her suggestion that he should not consider her a 'perfect creature' and that her having been a miner's daughter would mean a deal to him. He replied "I do not know if you misjudge my class but you misjudge me." He continued to address her as if she were indeed the perfect woman despite her upbringing. But Demelza even won over the gentlewoman including Verity, heiress; Caroline Enys, Hugh Armitage's Aunt Francis Gower, the ladies she met at Lord Edwards's Bowood family estate and many others. When in France for the first time Ross saw that she still attracted male attention but that 'Her company was sought by women too- much older women who looked on themselves with confidence as still being in the prime of life.' 'The Twisted Sword' (Internal Book 1 Chapter 8 part 1)

A Wife That Did Not Damn her Husband

'..with Lord Falmouth she had established a very slight rapport (in that on the rare occasion when he had spoken to her she thought she detected a gleam of approval in his eyes),....'

Demelza's thoughts on Lord Falmouth t 'The Four Swans'  (Book  ? Chapter ?  Pt)

Demelza blossomed to the point that she could
present as an equal against Ross's first love
and be well recieved in the same prestigious places as her too.

In many ways Demelza's attitude or lack of thought about all that would come with marrying Ross is endearing. There was humility in her apparent obliviousness and this adds to the awe in her success and her duckling into swan story arc. As to Ross's initial concern that marrying Demelza would make him unacceptable to his society, as demonstrated above he clearly was wrong. John Treneglos seemed to represent in a simplistic way the view that most gentlemen held of the marriage after he first met Demelza in the first book at Trenwith for Christmas. He was just one of the gentry that did not care about Demelza's station but understood why Ross made his unorthodox decision to marry her. Demelza was appealing and that is essentially all that mattered. While John's was sexual interest primarily, her appeal to many others in the gentry was also her charming and impressive personality. As Francis implied that mattered more over background. 

Not long after marrying Demelza Ross was nominated to lead the Carnemore Copper company. Before external interference Ross had been able to get upstanding members of his community to invest in his mine. In 'The Black Moon' he was offered the position of magistrate which he turned down and also later on he was offered the position of MP for Truro which his fellow gentlemen voted him in for. He was called on to be a Government observer to oversee foreign missions and later to aide him with this was bestowed by King George IV with a Baronetcy therefore holding the title of 'Sir'. In addition to this Lord De Dunstanville made him a partner to a bank formed from a bank merger primarily because of Ross's good reputation and standing in their community. Again as a credit to Demelza, prior to that De Dunstanville had already met with her gave a glowing account of her which naturally helped to give Ross and all round impressive profile. So Demelza really is an example that character and tenacity can win out over background. This point is made when comparing how Demelza had been able to solicit support and some funds from gentlemen to help Pascoe with his bank crisis in 'The Angry Tide' while in comparison Elizabeth had failed to solicit the support and vote of gentlemen in her community for George to be Truro MP later in that same book. This is despite her breeding and her being an authentic member of the gentry unlike Demelza. Certainly Demelza's warmer and more personable persona would have been an advantage over breeding.

'After they were married she had taught herself to read and write and her quick brain had assimilated everything he (Ross) said.'

'The Stranger From The Sea' ( Book 3 Chapter 8 Part 1) 

Indeed after pointing out to Ross that his newly wedded wife was 'gauche' Demelza's blossoming and ingratiation into the gentry was to Elizabeth's frustration. Graham wrote of Elizabeth's jealousy of Demelza early into the second book and in 'The Four Swans' he narrated that she disliked Demelza. Clearly it was not anticipated or expected that a former street urchin could so easily assimilate into the gentry community and validate herself as a worthy wife to Ross. This may not have been the case if Ross had married some other lowly girl such as Jinny Martin who may not have had Demelza's growth trajectory, inquisitive mind, charm, wit and adaptability. Graham wrote how after marriage Demelza learnt to play the piano and with her quick brain taught herself to read and write. Indeed, as well as love for the small things in life Demelza did have a thirst to develop herself and assimilate, and it is this that saw her become a more refined and a competitive alternative to Elizabeth too.

So essentially it was Demelza's character traits that put her in a position to meet unexpected goals that made her a more impressive wife and life partner for Ross, and which ensured that she did not bring him down amongst his class. But the significance of all this is that it was just another factor that made the risk of marriage failure lower. Also there was great risk for this marriage in respect of Ross's possibly feeling so short changed and unsatisfied if Demelza was so obviously a poor comparison to his first love: Elizabeth. Ironically the tables turned so much so that when Ross had his night of unfaithfulness with Elizabeth he was seeking the equal of what he found in Demelza in Elizabeth, as if Demelza was the standard to meet and not the other way round. Demelza had muddied the waters in comparison by rising well to the challenge of betterment and instead achieving Ross's pride in her and accolades from men like Lord Falmouth that she was indeed a 'worthy wife'. That was an undeniable bonus to support a successful marriage. 

Demelza's World: A Gentleman Husband That Blended In Her World

'Like his father,.... (Ross) had always had something in common with this world-it was a part of himself,......That he had married a miner's daughter had confirmed the union not created it.'

 'The Angry Tide'  Internal Book 1 Chapter 8 Pt3

Though Elizabeth and Ross were of the same class, she once told him in the first edition of the first book that she and and him were not the right temperament to blend and live in amity. That was not the case with Ross and Demelza, even though they were classes apart. Another part of the success for this element of their marriage was that Demelza had agreed to marry a man who transcended the classes to include her own, just as she managed to do the other way. She and Ross had had a connection that was of more than master and servant even before they became intimate with each other. This was because of Ross's lack of prejudice which meant that against the grain he first introduced Demelza to Elizabeth by her name rather than her position as his maid, and  therefore as if she were an equal to Elizabeth. Besides her, Ross did not have an attitude which would cause him to be detached from or aloof with the common folk who were the people of Demelza's class. As with the excerpt above in 'The Angry Tide' Winston Graham wrote that Ross had something in common with Demelza's world. This was to the extent that Winston Graham narrated that Ross's marriage to a miner's daughter confirmed not created his union with that world. 

Certainly Ross's attitude and familiarity with the common folk had made Demelza feel comfortable with him from long before. Graham showed how Demelza recognised this unique feature of Ross's when she spoke of the common folk to Ross saying ''They like you....I know because I am one of 'em...You and your father was different from the others. But mostly you.. You're half a gent and half one of them..."  This unique blend with Ross was reflected in his being able to share his joys with Demelza, split over the two worlds. For instance the Christening of their first child, Julia with the gentry and common folk community by holding separate events for each. This meant that in marriage Demelza and Ross would at least have that one community where they both felt comfortable if assimilation into the gentry one proved problematic. Ultimately, as well as Demelza having the character to develop, assimilate and appeal, credit should be shared with Ross who in any case placed matters of the heart that are priceless, like good companionship, above external issues and societal acceptance of his wife. He valued spirit over status, and Demelza was full of spirit, wit and stimulating conversation. 

Luckily, marrying a husband that chose her based on quality of substance and character rather than finesse, meant that Ross ended up being an equal beneficiary to the marriage with Demelza. Beyond just making him happier in mood, Demelza met the most important goal that Verity described was Ross being loved by Demelza and him loving Demelza back as the 'greatest thing' that Ross or any one could have. So this was a significant win for both Ross and Demelza, and in many ways suggests that despite being the focus of this essay, Ross's overall marital happiness was not dependent on Demelza's status at all, or in her becoming somewhat of a society darling. Nevertheless her actual success with the gentry was a bonus to Ross and as stated above supports the concept of Demelza closing in on the ideal woman profile during the course of the saga.