Marrying Demelza- Ross’s Engaging And Vital Blessing (A Satisfying Decision)

 

"There was the theme I wanted to express, dealing with the Ross- Elizabeth-Francis triangle...Into it also had come the engaging and vital character Demelza, who by now was intent on altering the shape of the story."

Winston Graham -'Woman Magazine' 10th December 1977

This is a follow up to 'Marrying Demelza: The Engaging and Vital Character (Foiling Elizabeth- Saving Ross)'. That focused on Demelza's vital role in altering Ross's life. This involved Demelza unintentionally provoking him to change his life philosophy so he could move even more sharply forward in his journey of moving on from Elizabeth. It then also involved her foiling Elizabeth’s plan for some kind of romantic reconciliation with Ross. That was by Demelza causing Ross to see her as another option and as ‘the obvious way out’, while good timing also played a hand in this too. So as considered in that previous post Demelza probably saved Ross a lot of heartache from something messy and unlikely to work out with Elizabeth anyway. Of course, while Ross was a blessing to Demelza and she often had these thoughts of gratitude about this, this post now looks at how Graham seemed to push and emphasise a strong narrative of Demelza being drafted into the story as a blessing to Ross and was his saving grace. This included the way she continued to play both a vital and engaging role for him beyond their wedding day as his wife, and how she fundamentally brought to his life things that he had never experienced and which made him happy. It’s to be presumed that this for Ross was most likely happier than he would have been without Demelza and with someone quite unlike her. That includes Elizabeth. In doing so, like a true heroine this post essentially does celebrate how Demelza served as a character that continued to have a major transforming effect on Ross that carried through beyond their day of marriage and impacted quite favourably on his quality and enjoyment of life. 

Demelza: A Special Character- Author's Pet

‘If one overlooked her beginnings she was a not unsuitable match for an impoverished farmer squire. She had already proved her worth…..’ 

Ross’s thoughts on new wife Demelza ‘Ross Poldark’ (Internal book 3, chapter 1)

Along with the idea that soulmates are meant to meet, in light of what Winston Graham shared about his view on Demelza's character and her role in the story, Ross's marriage to Demelza could therefore feel like it was indeed not a coincidence where the author was just following a random plot line and seeing where this happened to lead to. Instead there seemed to be much purposeful intent in Graham’s match making. This was not just in having Demelza foil Elizabeth’s agendas with Ross (which carried through at least the first four books), but also in Demelza being so much more obviously made for Ross than Elizabeth was. In hindsight, just as Ross thought for himself, and as extracted above, apart from their differing status, given the blending of their characters, neither was it such an illogical step in the story for him to decide to marry Demelza. In the days where no love arranged marriages were commonplace it would indeed have been quite satisfying for a man to marry a young woman that he got on with to the point of her being his best companion for some years and feeling she was suitable for him. 

Having once met an airman who was high strung with a disquiet about him on a train, Graham conveyed in his memoir that this was the inspiration for Ross's character. But with all his other traits too, Demelza was, and proved to be quite a suitable wife for him and their personalities working together had made them good friends beforehand. Once listing Ross and also Demelza as one of his favourite characters in the saga, Graham's other comments about Demelza and indeed his short story 'Meeting Demelza' (which as the name indicates is about Winston Graham meeting her), suggests that Demelza was very likely Winston Graham's most favourite character. This being so, this may have motivated how he put one of his favourite characters (Ross) in a coupling with his likely most favourite (Demelza). With that bias it’s no wonder that Winston Graham seemed to emphasise and construct Demelza’s role in the saga as a blessing to Ross and thus Ross’s decision to marry her a satisfying one in both the short and long term. 

A Story of a 'Successful' Marriage

Indeed it is in the 'Meeting Demelza' short story where Graham declared his love and a feeling of intimacy with Demelza as her creator. This was conveyed as if it was in a paternalistic way. Aside from that, Winston Graham told Demelza in the short story that he created her character to be 'successful' and that she had 'surely' been so. Perhaps that is an indication of Winston Graham’s general position on many of Demelza’s exploits, adventures and schemes in the saga over the 37 years it covered. Naturally this success would include her marrying and finding love with the saga's hero, Ross Poldark. But also, just as touched on in 'Foretellings: Demelza The Surprising Underdog Frontrunner Over Elizabeth' this does seem consistent with how Graham quite subtly positioned Demelza as a ‘winning’ alternative to Elizabeth. That being the case Graham therefore also presents Ross as having 'won' too. 

Happy Endings For A Satisfying & Successful Marriage

Graham’s specific confirmation of Demelza as a ‘success’ as a individual may now also help retrospectively to set the tone for the reader in terms of her role as the heroine. This includes how overall Demelza did offer Ross joy and hope. This achievement is clear even from Ross's  own testimony scattered across the twelve books of the saga including his last comments in the unpublished 'Christmas At Nampara 1820'. In contrast Elizabeth as a character was only shown as offering Ross misery and hopelessness way before marriage to Demelza was a consideration. Indeed as Demelza was set up to be Ross’s blessing, it seems that Elizabeth in comparison was a nemesis to Demelza, and in many discreet and not so discreet ways to Ross too. She did not fare so well for herself in terms of success. This is certainly the case in the end given her loveless and tense marriages twice over and her unfortunate and tragically degrading death. Indeed, in contrast to Elizabeth and to convey how Ross’s decision to marry Demelza was satisfying both in the short and long term, Winston Graham depicted their marriage as a successful one that beat the odds and overcame any challenges thrown at it by the endings of each set of books in the early years with ‘Warleggan’ and ‘The Angry Tide’ where their marriage was particularly tested. Any disharmony between Ross and Demelza was resolved by then, they maintained success in their love, in their circumstances and also their prosperity continued over in to the later books. Their success was due to Demelza being right for Ross and vice versa. 

Demelza:  A Heroine Made To Satisfy Ross

"Obviously a soldier coming home from the wars and finding his girl about to marry another man, and picking up a waif at a fair, discovering she's a girl when he (Ross) thinks her a boy, taking her home and seeing her grow into a pretty woman who eventually becomes the heroine."

Winston Graham's comment on Demelza when giving a speech on 'The Craft of the Historical Novelist' in 1977

As to Demelza’s status in the saga, in 1977 Winston Graham gave a lecture which was transcribed where he spoke of how his plot for Poldark started off with Ross returning from war, meeting Demelza '....discovering she's a girl when he thinks her a boy, taking her home and seeing her grow into a pretty woman who eventually becomes the heroine..' (The Craft of the Historical Novelist'). So if there was ever any doubt as to Winston Graham’s intention for Demelza's prominence and her status in the saga, then this was confirmed by his reference to Demelza as 'the heroine'.  Indeed there really can be no doubt that Demelza was a character that really did come into Ross's life to alter it. Also it is certainly quite fitting that Ross as the saga's hero, and Demelza as its heroine, would become a partnership, and better still, that this would be as a loving married couple. But Demelza’s transformative impact on Ross does gives her character a powerful status and credentials for moving the direction of Ross’s life in a positive way. Along with her impact on others this alone already earns her the status as the heroine. This is especially since for this to be the case it came with the kind of admirable qualities to make her become Ross’s soulmate and a woman of substance that Ross eventually admitted that he depended on giving him purpose as the centre of his life. Thus, all this confirms and validates Ross's decision to marry Demelza as a more than satisfying one.

Demelza: Made For Ross (A Gift of Character, Not of Riches)

“It is not in your nature, my dear, to be unhappy. You are in fine counterbalance with my natural mopishness.”     
'Twisted Sword'  Internal book 4 Chapter 4 part 3

There is a saying that the richest man in the world is the person that needs the least, yet it’s easy to fall into the thought that Demelza owed more to Ross than he owed to her, simply because he brought the wealth and status to the coupling. But presumably that ‘richest man’ saying raises the idea of the ability of a character to enjoy life more thoroughly with very little and this being something more valuable than someone having much more materially, yet not being as happy and enjoying life as the person with less. That saying speaks of a character’s ability to cope with life's challenges, few resources and still have a positive happy mental attitude that is at relative peace despite this. Taking that concept into account it is then possible to understand that a lot of Demelza's power as a heroine and her being a gift to Ross, was not in her circumstance, wealth or material resources, but instead in her character. 

Described as a woman who found joy in the small things in life, it was Demelza's optimism that could still have her enjoy (or make the best  of) life. Even in poverty and even while living in an abusive home she was be able to find things that made her happy. Her dog was one thing. At Ross’s first meeting with Demelza as a street urchin she was almost blasé' and without hatred about the domestic abuse she faced by her father. She did not seem to wallow over it and still seemed to navigate life with an upbeat and independent spirit choosing not to hate her father as the bible instructed. Many others would have as Valentine Warleggan hated his putative father George Warleggan. It is uncommon that parental abuse did not taint Demelza's character in the way that childhood and life disappointments and traumas tainted characters like Paul Kellow, Stephen Carrington and Valentine. In fact Ross felt far the other way early in the marriage that Demelza was a woman that '...was true to the grain. There wasn't a law in her- In this damn world.' 'Demelza' (Internal Book3  chapter 11) And many years later Ross told her that she had so little evil in her.

The Gift Of Optimism

'Whatever she suffered, whatever loss came to her, she would throw it off, for it was not in her nature to go under. Although she was the woman and he a fierce and sometimes arrogant man, hers was the stronger nature because the more pliant.... But chiefly it was because some element had put it in her nature to be happy...He thanked God for it.'

Ross on Demelza 'Demelza' (Internal Book Chapter )

With Graham putting significant emphasis in his commentary of Demelza as the 'vital' character that changed Ross's life, he seemed to craft her character so that she met Ross's essential needs in order for this to be the case. Of course, it goes without saying that Demelza benefited from the life Ross offered her and from this she went on a journey of being raised up into a higher class society. However, perhaps as Ross suspected, and if it had not been for him, she would have ended up marrying a miner. If so she could have lived in squalor from pay check to pay check. But in this or any other path away from Ross without his status and resources, Demelza as crafted by Graham is likely to have still enjoyed a greater spiritual prosperity and enjoyment of life's pleasures than the 'high strung' and 'mopish' Ross. This would be irrespective of wealth and opportunities. Those things were just a bonus to Demelza.

"...certain things about Jean (Winston Graham's wife) went into Demelza's character, particularly her gamine sense of humour and ability to find happiness in small things."

Winston Graham - Daily Express 18 November 1995

Indeed one of Demelza’s greatest gifts to Ross was her optimism in life. That was a much needed trait in those times of hardship. Ross saw that when they lost Julia, though no sadder than him, that Demelza was more pliant in character to recover better and as shown in the extract a paragraph above, he was thankful of this. Indeed Demelza could help Ross see things differently. When he was moody about life in ‘Warleggan’ and complained that it made fools of them at times, she challenged this saying "I feel that there are some things good which have come to us for our own striving." She went on to say "And though, for the whole luck has been against us, sometimes it has moved for us and may yet do again. Wheal Grace is failing, but Wheal Leisure has prospered- and, if there was Julia, there is also Jeremy- and there was your acquittal from the trial; and-and much else besides." Ross was right that she was a counter balance to his pessimism and that he therefore should have indeed been thankful for this. Demelza's impact was reflected in many other ways, big and small, such as when in 'The Angry Tide' they travelled to London together and on the journey Ross thought that 'As always, he learned more on a journey with Demelza than when travelling alone.' Graham makes it clear that Demelza added more richness to Ross life in regards to a general appreciation of it. Just as was covered in 'Love For Better Or Worse' Ross would benefit from Demelza's fighting spirit, optimism and pliancy as he and her navigated and conquered their trials and tribulations together over the years. 

Demelza: 'Engaging' Ross & Society

'But desire, a raging desire moved through his pulses. With another person he would not have struggled to defeat it. ' 

 'Ross Poldark -first edition' Internal Book 2 Chapter 6 part3

On the night that Ross and Demelza first slept together Graham wrote that Ross found he had a 'raging desire' for Demelza but 'With another person he would not have struggled to defeat it.' Indeed the secret to Demelza's success was that she had engaged and connected with Ross from their first meeting whereby he admired her loyalty to her dog and decided to keep her in his life a little longer when he thought '...if she would not desert a friend, neither could he.' That was the tip of the iceberg in respect of the other traits of hers to be admired, and as set out in 'Falling in Friendship' the growth of their special relationship and her moving from servant to best friend was predicated on her character with its vitality drawing out less of his moods and more of his cheerfulness. Such was the case that crucially it was Demelza that had helped lead Ross to a better state of mind so that Graham narrated that over that spring of 1787 '..... his spirit in spite of all drawbacks had climbed slowly but surely away from the greatest disappointment of his life.' 

Demelza's spirit lifting abilities carried over into marriage and in highlighting Demelza's transforming effect on Ross Graham wrote at Julia christening that 'Ross too had changed in the interval, grown away from his disappointment: the content and happiness he had found with Demelza had softened his in-tolerance, had cloaked his restless spirit in a new restraint.' 'Demelza' (Internal book 1 Chapter 3) So as well as being a counterbalance to Ross's less favourable traits Demelza's impact was to lessen their prevalence. These were some of the ways in which Graham documented at an early stage that this marriage was good for Ross. But as Graham established a clear narrative of Ross discovering that he was was happy with Demelza he showed that Ross also recognised Demelza's ability to engage others so that when he debuted her at Trenwith to his family and thought about taking her out into society Graham wrote that Ross thought to himself that 'A new life might be opening for them both.' and that 'He felt pleased and stimulated and proud of the developing character of his young wife.'  'Ross Poldark' (Internal book 4 Chapter 10)  That was his satisfaction! Certainly in the blessing and success narrative, Demelza as a former miner's daughter and street urchin was exceeding even Ross's expectations. 

A Society Darling (Demelza Engaging Far and Wide)

'She has such freshness, such a lack of artificiality, of pretence. I mean of course, as to her physical appearance, for I hardly know her; but I would suppose she is equally untrammelled by affectation in her personal life." 

Brigadier Gaston Rougiet talking about Demelza to Ross  -The Twisted Sword  (Internal Book 1 Chapter 6)

As that vital and engaging character it was not just Ross and a small circle that Demelza engaged and that she almost mesmerised. This was not necessarily by her looks but more so by her character. Her ability to engage went beyond Ross and their local community and this made her even more impressive as a wife for Ross. Indeed Demelza won the admiration of many people because of her qualities. Ironically Ross had wrongly thought that he would be damned by his fellow gentry for marrying Demelza and that he would be ostracised in society. However this was not to be the case. Quite the opposite. So to begin with, after first forging a lifelong friendship with Verity, when Ross later took Demelza as his new wife to meet the rest of his family, she won the instant appreciation of Francis and Agatha who affectionately referred to her as 'bud' to represent her blossoming phase. But on a grander societal scale Demelza also won the interest of high profile men, such as the Lord Lieutenant and many other notable men in society. That was including even George who acknowledged Demelza’s success as the belle of the ball for the ball event which is the one the Lord Lieutenant himself hosted and spotted Demelza at. For the reader to get a sense of her impact Graham narrated that after this first foray of Demelza's into society Keren Daniels had heard of Demelza's success and saw that '..quite a number of people had been riding over to see her since then.' 

Under Ross's Nose- The Ideal Wife- Demelza

'.....If you and I walked together into a roomful of eligible men, they would immediately all look at me; but in five minute they would all come to be clustered round you! It is an enviable complaint, for which I think there is no remedy.'

Caroline to Demelza 'The Four Swans'  (Internal book 1 Chapter 5)

Through Ross's observations and those of her friends Graham made sure to highlight that there was something particularly endearing and illuminating about Demelza that made her a magnet for interest. Since many of Ross's friends and acquaintances asked after Demelza with genuine concern Graham wrote that even Ross was surprised '....how Demelza seemed to have the respect of so many of these difficult men.' 'Demelza' (Internal Book 2 Chapter 12) That included the rather stony Justice Lister who before sitting for Ross's trial in 'Jeremy Poldark', and against his introverted character, had enjoyed spending time talking with Demelza one evening. After Ross's 'not guilty' verdict he had told Ross that he was "..free to rejoin his (your) deserving wife..." Equally, having had pleasant and invigorating conversations with Demelza, Lord Falmouth once told Ross "You have a pretty and a worthy one. Appreciate her while you still have her." ‘The four Swans’ (Internal book one Chapter 12 pt4) Over time Caroline had observed and commented on Demelza's magnetic draw out in society, but before that, when Dwight Enys had been unable to answer Caroline's question as to what hold Demelza had over men, he said "It's not a question of knowing a secret. It's just a question of knowing Demelza." 

'..at the home he was just approaching, he had a wife whose gamin beauty, wit and earthiness he still found totally engaging." 

Ross on Demelza  'The Black Moon' (Internal Book 3 Chapter 1) 

It was not just men that Demelza's character attracted since making them fast friends Caroline fell into Demelza's trap too. Despite Demelza's greater insecurity and fears of judgement the further she went outside her comfort zone in local society, she engaged gentlewoman across English society at the highest level and impressed. For instance such as on her trip to Bowood to Lord Edward's family, in London and in even in French high society where Ross observed that without intention Demelza was the centre of attention attracting much male admiration and that also 'Her company was sought by women too- much older women who looked on themselves with confidence as still being in the prime of life.' 'The Twisted Sword' (Internal Book 1 Chapter 8 part 1) Of course her friendly demeanour and gamine wit played a role but in all Graham's effort to show how exalted Demelza was by others this in many way makes a mockery or irony of Graham's narrative of Elizabeth being idealised by Ross for a period when it seems that it was Demelza who was presented as the ideal women whose ability to engage and impress with her character far outstripped Elizabeth's. Of course as with the extract above, setting Elizabeth to the side, without idealisation Ross was organically taken with Demelza's personality before they married, at an increasing level thereafter and years after marriage he spoke of still finding Demelza 'totally engaging'.

Demelza On his Arm- (Ross Envied Not Ostracised)

'Behind every great man, there's a great woman.'

Meryll Frost 1946

In terms of Demelza as a satisfying wife for Ross Poldark quite early on, given her formative years as a miner's daughter, her ability to charm and enchant members of the gentry on her first time out in society was remarkable, but as well as this it was not unhelpful to Ross. This is because in light of this quality of hers Ross was more likely envied than ostracised for marrying Demelza. The doors of opportunity were not shut on him as a result of this marriage. In fact he became a key figure in his community and in English society generally. As well as opening a mine as his first venture and retaining his venturers even after his marriage, he was later approached to lead the Carnemore Copper company, to take up the position of Magistrate, Member of parliament and as a Government observer where in his later escapades in this role he was given a title which resulted in Demelza being titled too. All along Ross received many invitations during the course of his married life whereby the company of his wife Demelza was greatly appreciated and often specifically requested. 

Ultimately Ross was successful in life regardless of having married a miner's daughter. It was a long journey of ups and downs and in 'The Twisted Sword' Ross reflected with Demelza on how far they had come together. It was definitely a mutual effort. Indeed the support of a good wife is important and saw Francis flounder for some years from the emotional disappointment of his detached unloving wife. For him that seemed to prompt him to kick out with riskier behaviours for a while. But on the other side Demelza was good for Ross, including her advice and guidance to him. She supported or accepted his risky ventures and financial decision with some tolerance and grace. This even included Ross giving a huge amount of money they needed for themselves to his first love Elizabeth simply to serve his conscience but without telling her in advance. Vowing that she would manage if Ross was put away in debtor's prison Demelza did her best to lessen his worry and she got onboard selling off their worldly good without complaint. Ultimately if Ross was to be envied and satisfied with his wife during the good times, he should also have felt the same on reflection for having Demelza as his best friend to weather the more challenging times. 

'Vital' Character With The Vital Gift of Happiness 

"Before I found you, when I came home from America things looked black for me. You know why, because I'd hoped to Marry Elizabeth and returned to find her with other plans. That winter it was Verity alone who saved me ....."

Ross to Demelza  'Ross Poldark' Internal  Book 3 Chapter 3 

As covered in 'Marrying Demelza: The 'Obvious Way Out For Ross (Duty or Desire)' part of how Verity saved Ross in his period of depression and then helped him work towards a way out, was by giving him 'something to hold on to'. That is how Ross explained it. Graham showed quite directly that this is what Demelza's achieved for Ross at the end of the first book when they had by then been married 6 months. Walking home arm in arm with Demelza with her singing and skipping along side him Graham wrote of  Ross feeling gratitude about his love and marriage with Demelza while praying "This is all I ask of God. Let me hold it. Let me hold it!" (First edition last chapter/last page). This represented a clear 'turnaround' and 'altered' circumstance for Ross as well as of his spiritual state compared to at the start of the book. With Graham’s description of Demelza's life altering role this was a marriage that theoretically saved Ross's life beyond the credit he gave Verity for doing this just over a winter. That more than adds to the satisfying element of his decision to marry Demelza.  

Happiness Through Demelza

Just as it is for all living beings and particularly those who are depressed, Graham had established that against a background of depression Ross’s personal goal being 'a way out', was essentially the quest for happiness. Three years after speaking of needing to find this way out it was marriage to Demelza that was this major opportunity for Ross. There is a clear correlation with Ross being newly satisfied and 'happy' in himself after marriage to Demelza because of her. This all seems to accord with this author's apparent narrative and his planned trajectory for Ross's character. By Ross entering into a lifelong marital bond with Demelza she was being called upon and set up as the chosen one to save him from his black life and bring him to happiness, by being his wife. So unlike Verity, this would be on a permanent basis till death do them part.

Satisfaction: Ross Acknowledging His Blessing

‘How fortunate that I have this woman whose nature is devoted to loving all life…I follow behind her, knowing of my happiness through her.’

Ross’s personal thoughts on Demelza ‘The Miller’s Dance’  Internal Book 3  Chapter 9 Pt2

Winston Graham had spoken about Demelza’s  ‘..... gamine sense of humour and ability to find happiness in small things’. The extract above is text of Ross in later years of marriage holding Demelza responsible for making him happy. Beyond that Ross even thought that he did not generate happiness himself, but that she did and he then reflected what she had generated in him. As a testament to her 'vital and engaging' nature Demelza's character was used not just to give happiness to Ross, but also to others. For instance Ross recognised this trait in Demelza within months of their marriage and commissioned her to do the same for Verity as she had done for him. She was indeed successful in bringing Verity some joy and lifting her spirits when she was sick with heartbreak following her forced split with Captain Blamey. But Joyfully to Francis and Elizabeth Demelza also saved Geoffrey Charles as a baby, and there were even indications of this life saving midas touch from Hugh Armitage too. He considered himself a ‘condemn man’ excluded from heaven for not having Demelza's company and he claimed that to him she dearer than life to him. 

Demelza : A Better Self For Ross

" ...you're my better self. And I have to keep my better self in its place."

Ross to Demelza   'The Stranger From The Sea' (Internal Book 2  Chapter 6 pt 2)

It was probably Ross recognising Demelza's purity of charity that caused him both before and immediately after marriage to Demelza to have niggling thoughts that there might be something distasteful in him changing the nature of their relationship to a marital one with carnal benefits. He considered that this might be potentially 'trampling on something that was good in its own right.' 'Ross Poldark' (Internal book 3 chapter 1) After all Ross was not so egotistical that he would not have considered himself a flawed man who was marrying someone who he considered was "true to the grain.' The significance is that Ross held Demelza in high esteemed which is why he never considered that in some way Demela was not good enough for him. It was the other way round and as he later referred to her as his 'better self' he did look up to her as someone of sound moral conscience and principles. This led him half in jest and in truth to turn to her once about a difficult dillema regarding Isabella saying "Oh, wisest of women, what would she (Demelza) say now?" But at another time and in all seriousness he called her the 'keeper of my conscience'. On the other hand Ross also appreciated Demelza's tolerance when he chose his own path and noted '....that she had married a man for whom an occasional adventure came as second nature. She liked the idea of it no more for that but saw it as something unavoidable.' This element of Demelza's understanding and forbearance made for a successful marriage.

Demelza: Ross’s Lucky Catch

“We have both come a long way. when I met you I was an inebriate, half bankrupt squireen.  You didn’t know what a catch you were making!’

“I didn’t know I was making any catch’ said Demelza

Ross rubbed his nose. “I didn’t know what sort of a catch I was making either. Dear Heaven, that was the luckiest day of my life.’

In keeping with Graham's emphasis of Ross as the 'high strung' moody squire, the narrative he laid down was Demelza's worth as a game changer and Ross's luck with this. The focus is Demelza's character and Ross's need of this. This is especially when Demelza was prepared to turn down the materially richer life he offered when they first met and the again when he was unfaithful and she was prepared to leave him. Ross had once considered that he could have 'gone out into society and paid violent court to some daughter of the new rich and have settled down to a life of comfortable boredom on the marriage dowry.’ Also in respect of Elizabeth he once thought that 'Perhaps there are elements in her nature and mine which would have made our life together difficult.' Demelza was the gift that saved Ross from all that since her worth to Ross was not in the material resources she brought to the marriage, but her character which was transforming to his life. Hence in this case, the saying that the best things in life are free applies as they were more satisfying for Ross in a wife than status and wealth. Indeed despite her lack of this Ross declared that Demelza was a woman that was ‘..comparable in his (my) eyes to no other woman.’