Marrying Ross Poldark- Demelza's Success As A High Society Darling (Becoming The Ideal Above Elizabeth)

 

'She mixed now with the highest people in Cornwall, not merely the gentry but the nobility, and they accepted her- or appeared to accept her-as one of themselves. She also mixed with the miners and the fisherfolk, and they accepted her too.'

Narrative of Demelza 'The Angry Tide' (Book 1 Chapter 1 part 3)

Though Demelza became the wife of Ross Poldark, a Cornish gentleman, at the age of seventeen, and though she was his wife for the remaining thirty three years of the saga, from the outset there was an imbalance of status between them that was quite overt. In the early pages of the saga Demelza was introduced and described as an 'urchin', 'beggar' and 'miner's daughter'. She was also referred to as a 'kitchenmaid' and later on Demelza even once referred to herself as a 'miner's wench'. In contrast Ross was described as a 'gentleman' and a 'country squire' who therefore, and despite his rebellious spirit, was part of the Cornish gentry. Ross may have been impoverished, but still, even if he did not think so himself, the vast difference in his status against Demelza's was too wide to be unnoticed. For instance, on their very first meeting, this could not have been emphasised more than when saving Demelza from a fight over her dog and Ross thinking her to be a scruffy skinny boy. But then, with Demelza already presenting as a character with traits of humility and deference, she herself thought him to be a great man who was so above her and whose time she did not wish for him to waste on her. So the narrative for a key plot point in the Ross and Demelza love story had an emphasis on Demelza's status being so far below Ross's. This post seeks to explore each of their attitudes towards this difference in station and how feeling herself unworthy Demelza still managed to transcend her lowly origins to become a high society darling. This of course is relevant when considering what worked or aided the success, stability and longevity of their marriage. 

Marrying Ross Poldark: Becoming The Ideal Over Elizabeth (Demelza's Triumph in Marital Love And Happiness)

"When I heard he had married you I thought it was a makeshift. Something to console him.....I have seen it's no makeshift at all. It is real... He has lost the biggest thing in his life-and found it again in another person."

Verity to Demelza speaking about her observations of Ross following marriage to Demelza 'Ross Poldark' Internal Book 3 Chapter 4 part 2

This essay follows on from 'Marrying Ross Poldark: Demelza's 'daring gamble' as one of two in exploring ways in which Demelza triumphed in proving herself to be Ross's ideal woman over Elizabeth. That previous essay covered Demelza's decision to accept Ross's offer of marriage and whether this was more of a risky decision than Demelza may have known at the time. This is because the marriage was to be against the background of Ross's frustrated and frustrating romantic history with Elizabeth. Of course those who know the story will know that if there was risk that Demelza faced on that account, then taking that risk ultimately paid off for her. This was even along the way as she was actually presented as the surprising frontrunner underdog against Elizabeth. This was from an early stage after their marriage, and the ultimate pay off in the end was when Ross discovered his real love lay with her and not Elizabeth. Thus, the story narrative was that unbeknown to Ross to start with, Demelza was his ideal woman over Elizabeth. This post focuses on some of the foundational elements and the conceptual triumphs by Demelza that made this possible.  

Marrying Ross Poldark: Demelza's Daring Gamble In the Shadow Of Elizabeth

 'If Ross had not wished to marry her she would not have fretted for something else: but his decision to make the union legal and permanent, his honouring her with his name, was a sort of golden crown to set upon her happiness.'

'Ross Poldark' Internal book 3 Chapter 1 part 2

On reflection, while Ross's proposal of marriage was an offer which it would have seemed was too good for Demelza to turn down, because of what could be referred to as Ross's 'baggage', it could have been considered a 'risky decision'. Demelza had agreed to marry a man that not only was well above her station but who as the readers were at that point led to believe, was in love with another woman. That woman had her stall set up by Winston Graham as the dream woman of the county. Indeed Elizabeth was written as a most beautiful woman who was Ross's unrequited first love and was also a gentlewoman. In being so Elizabeth was demure and patrician and of Ross's own class. As the excerpt heading this essay expresses, Demelza in her happy go lucky manner of floating through life moved through it with an admirable optimism which meant that while she relished and was illuminated by the opportunity to be Ross's wife, she did not desperately depend on this either. However, in Demelza's naivety she perhaps did not consider marriage to Ross Poldark as a 'daring' gamble or consider the long term implications and challenge that might form a cloud or tension over the marriage indefinitely. This is by virtue of it being a marriage in the shadow of Elizabeth. 

With Elizabeth being the woman Ross had intended to marry originally, accepting Ross's proposal of marriage was potentially Demelza stepping forward to fill Elizabeth's shoes. That would be in respect of the ideal Elizabeth presented and thus Demelza would be the alternative and the replacement at the same time. Putting Demelza's seemingly lowly credentials against Elizabeth's seemingly superior credentials, many, particularly of that time period would likely argue that Demelza was bound to be a woefully poor replacement for Elizabeth and that in time Ross would come to see this and perhaps resent Demelza for this. Then thoughts could be turned to why Demelza did not just stay in her place by marrying a miner or a fellow commoner, and why she instead took on the gamble of marrying Ross when she might always be in Elizabeth's shadow. This post explores the nature of the risk that Demelza took on and why the circumstances were such that she slipped in to this either obliviously or dismissive of it. 

Ross and Elizabeth's Sham Childish Love! A Past and Mistaken Identity

Love without a true knowledge in the object of that love is just infatuation, while idealism is the fuel that keeps that infatuation going.

This post continues to explore the theme of Ross Poldark's sham desire for Elizabeth as covered in the previous one called 'Ross's Fall Out Of Love With Elizabeth (Winston Graham's Notes Of Ross's Sham Desire). That previous post was particularly inspired by Winston Graham's archived handwritten story plan notes for his Poldark story. Specifically there was a relevant entry where he wrote that "Before Elizabeth marries George Ross has his way with her...Ross finds that his desire for Elizabeth is a sham." As the second of three in a series exploring Ross's 'sham desire' for Elizabeth, this post focuses on the root cause of the sham and has Elizabeth's true character at the heart of this (though not under intense examination in this post). Indeed, a fundamental and central issue which most definitely adds to the logic of why Ross's desire for Elizabeth was actually a sham was Ross's idealism of Elizabeth based on his teenage experience of her. Indeed there is a theme of their relationship being based on only a 'childish' love between them which Elizabeth seemed to be more conscious of and therefore any desire by either of them for the other being based on this. This was without the experience of an adult love to test the genuineness in reality and their present day. There is theme that Winston Graham inserts into the story which raises the question of how much adult Ross and Elizabeth really knew each other. Certainly in the first instance, the eventual realisation so many years later by Ross of his 'sham desire' of Elizabeth is hardly surprising if he was actually in love with the girl that Elizabeth once was, rather than the woman that Elizabeth had become. Hence, Ross's belief that he loved Elizabeth, also as the new man he became, was likely based on an identity he held for her that was mistaken because of change in her by then. 

Winston Graham's Thoughts on Poldark (Words from the Author)

"First of all, because their observations (the press) are often quite wrong, which I didn't mind so much, and because their memory is frequently haywire and they twist things round in their heads."

Winston Graham on why he did not like giving interviews to publicise his books- Women's weekly 30th July 1983 'Article 'The Poldark Author'

With some commentary along the way this post is a collection of comments and statements given by Winston Graham about his Poldark book saga. It includes his thoughts on the story line, some of the characters and also the television adaptation he lived to see. 

Given the significant number of books that Winston Graham wrote in his lifetime, (beyond just the twelve in the Poldark series), he nevertheless did not give many interviews as part of publicity for each book. He was not keen to. This was even though he loved meeting readers that came to events including book launch events. However, perhaps it is the case that overall he seemed to give disproportionately more interviews for his Poldark books than his other books. Despite this such interviews are still few and far between over the years and perhaps even then the content would only be as in depth as the depth that the interviewer's questioning allowed for. The same applies for the range of topics covered about the Poldark story and themes that run throughout them. But Winston Graham was a man who was quite private and ultimately he revelled in the idea of being successful but unknown. Therefore what is available of Winston Graham's thoughts on Poldark will surely be precious for those that love his saga and wish to understand his thinking and inspiration behind the many different aspects of it.  

Winston Graham did actually explain his reluctance to do publicity for his books by the mode of giving interviews. Across some of his interviews he expressed his view that the writer of a book should not be the focus and therefore he preferred to stay as private as possible. He also indicated that he felt shy and nervous upon release of a new book as to readers then knowing his inner thoughts through his writing. However, alongside this, in his interview for 'Women's weekly' in 1983 (as quoted above) Winston went further in revealing that another gripe related to his reluctance was the incorrect observations that the press often made of his stories. Though he said he did not mind so much perhaps with the passage of time one can say with humour that he did mind or rather that he minded that retellings of his stories reflected wrong interpretations which therefore might lead to readers  and viewers misunderstanding the story he was trying to tell. An exact example of this occurrence can found in this post in relation to dialogue Winston Graham had with John Dunn during an interview he did with him for BBC Radio 2. Here Winston Graham corrected John's perception of the character of Elizabeth in Poldark. Hence, there is great value in hearing directly from Winston. 

Ross Poldark’s Fall Out Of Love With Elizabeth (Winston Graham's Notes Of Ross's Sham Desire)

Before Elizabeth marries George Ross has his way with her ....Ross finds that his desire for Elizabeth is a sham. 
Winston Graham's handwritten story plan notes - Poldark note book 2 (Early) page166 (The Courtney Library at The Cornwall Museum)

Initially the beginning of the Poldark story could easily fool the reader into believing that it is a love story about Ross Poldark and Elizabeth Chynoweth. This is despite the glaring snag that she chose Francis willingly over Ross because she thought she loved him better and that Elizabeth even admitted to this on occasion throughout the saga. But otherwise, regardless of this and what Elizabeth's later vague suggestion of a change of mind says about whether she truly and really loved Ross, there is still Ross's love of her which is usually undoubted by readers. Therefore at the very least the Ross and Elizabeth story would have been a story of unrequited love before he married and fell in love with Demelza. However, the major story development in the fourth book has Ross declare that he had discovered after his fateful night with Elizabeth on 9th May 1793, that what stood out to him thereafter was that his true and real love was not for Elizabeth but for Demelza. Winston Graham made comments over the years in interviews that corroborated that Ross fell out of love with Elizabeth. In his archived story plan notes held at The Courtney Library in the Cornwall Museum Winston Graham wrote more directly in delicate handwriting that after Ross had his way with Elizabeth '...Ross finds that his desire for Elizabeth is a sham.' (Pg166 2nd (early) Poldark notebook) Much of the writing around and in between is extremely hard to read. However though faint, these sentences along with a sentence in between that Demelza responded like a 'fish wife' (which presumably relates to her angry table swipe), can be easily deciphered. This note and the idea from this inspires this post to explore how this concept and theme of a 'sham desire' did really seem to shape Winston Graham's attitude and his writing approach with Ross and Elizabeth so that there was what seemed a determined and preordained narrative for their fate. That was a fate leading to their ‘love’ being presented as ever unworkable, unpromising and then finally being written off essentially as a 'sham'. This is as well as how this supports Winston Graham's concept of a happy ending for Ross and Demelza. The follow up post will look at how there were key plot points where Ross's 'sham desire' was at play and how this is quite overt when reviewing the narrative retrospectively. 

Meeting Demelza - A Short Story By Winston Graham

Below is the short story of Winston Graham called 'Meeting Demelza'. This is the last published work that Winston Graham wrote before he died on 10th July 2003. It came about by chance because of Simon Parker. Simon is an award winning Author, Playwright, Editor, Publisher and Journalist.

Ross and Demelza - The Myth of An 'Impossible' Or 'Impractical' Separation

"But I could not come too you again-break up everyone's life afresh." 

Ross to Elizabeth three years after 'The May Incident'  'The Four Swans' 

After that 'May Incident' in 93 Ross did not go to see Elizabeth and only met with her by chance some three years later at the Sawle Church Graveyard in 1796. Elizabeth, who after wishing him dead in her thoughts and displaying a visible anger of him, had eventually calmed down when she suggested to him that he may have regretted what he done to her. As quoted above from this scene in the sixth book 'The Four Swans', Ross told Elizabeth in reply that he "could not" come to her and break up everyone's lives. From this, one might think this this suggested that part of Ross may have actually wanted to go to Elizabeth and therefore to break up his life with Demelza and her life with George too. So this scene in the book and after Ross's return to Nampara invites a consideration of Ross separating with Demelza and this is what this post will explore. 

From an emotional point of view previous posts 'A Discovery of Preference' and 'Reassurances and Reaffirmations of First Choice' both actually explore the question of whether it was a matter of the head rather than the heart that caused Ross to stay with Demelza, instead of separating to be with Elizabeth. They do both document that this was far from the case, with the first of those posts focusing on Ross's journey of discovery that he did not have a 'real and true love' for Elizabeth. The second focused on how, along with the author's verification, Ross was able to convey with conviction to Demelza that his real wish and his heart's desire was to be and stay with her. So in the end this choice of Ross's for Demelza, instead of Elizabeth, was made irrespective of practicalities because it was based on feeling rather than obligation or rather than just having to regretfully take what was left for him. 

It seems that Ross's words to Elizabeth at the Church Graveyard were phased deceptively in a spirit of peace and diplomacy. No doubt this was so that Elizabeth could feel comforted that he may have wanted to come to her. In light of her anger and Ross's great wrong to her it was fair that he take that approach rather than for Ross to have offended Elizabeth once again by implying that his offence was all for nothing and that she had experienced his attack on her when leaving Demelza never was the merest consideration for him. Nevertheless this post explores whether logistically Ross could have separated with Demelza for Elizabeth if he really wanted to. It will serve to address a questionable assumption that either way Ross had no choice but to stay with Demelza regardless of his wishes. This post will make significant historical references to personalities of the time and their separation scenarios in order to provide context of the times. So the focus here will be on the practical issues around processes and societal attitude to enable Ross and Demelza to separate, while the post to follow that called 'Ross and Demelza- Falling Into Separation' and 'Demelza's Three Offers To Leave Ross- Ross's Resistance' will focus on the emotional narrative of how they as an estranged couple fell into a state of separation with Demelza in particular leading the way with this against Ross's resistance. Thirdly in this quartet of essays 'Demelza’s Hall Pass' will similarly to this post cover the practicalities and societal attitude should Ross have wanted Elizabeth as his mistress.  

Elizabeth: Envy Of The New 'Great Lady' -Demelza Pt 4 (10 Truths On Elizabeth's Astonishments And Humiliations)

'She was a beautiful, rather over-reserved, disappointed young woman. She was also jealous of the blossoming Demelza though she tried to fight against it.'

Narrative of Elizabeth's thoughts at the Truro Ball 1789 Demelza  'Demelza'  first edition (Internal Book 1 Chpt 6)

Following on from the last post 'Elizabeth: Observing The Prize Wife -Demelza', this post is now the fourth in the series of essays covering the theme of Elizabeth's astonishments and humiliations in relation to her interaction with the Ross and Demelza love story. The scenes and event in focus for this post centres around a grand ball that Elizabeth attended in April 1789. Demelza also attended this, and in fact this was when she was essentially introduced by Ross to his gentry society. Therefore this was the occasion where Demelza essentially 'came out' (into society) for her first ball. Like her coming out as Ross's wife to his family (as covered in the last post), Demelza was more than a tremendous success at the ball too. It is from this that Elizabeth would experience astonishment and humiliation by way of inadequacy and a sense of failure in comparison against Demelza.

Elizabeth : Observing The New Prize Wife - Demelza Pt 3 (10 Truths On Elizabeth's Astonishments and Humiliations )

Humiliation: To reduce (someone) to a lower position in one's own eyes or others' eyes / to make (someone) ashamed or embarrassed.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary

As this post covers Demelza's formal introduction to the Trenwith Poldarks and their friends as Ross's wife in December 1787, this is the third one in the series of essays exploring the theme of astonishment and humiliation that Elizabeth once introduced as a cloud over her life. The last two posts in the series were 'Bud On The Horizon' and 'Demelza-Elizabeth's Powerful Obstacle'. They covered the first two scenes which seem to have contributed to this theme against Elizabeth. As set out in that first and lead post in this series, and in accordance with the definition, humiliation for Elizabeth's theme would involve narrative and story development that seemed to lower her position to the reader. For instance, through her position to Ross being knocked as the woman that was 'The prize' above most other women, including Demelza. Indeed as Demelza was an unexpected roaring success for this Christmas event Elizabeth had a front row seat in observing Demelza assert her position as as a 'prize' wife for Ross. This is just like how Elizabeth had previously been thought of as when marrying Francis. As if recognising her own reduced and lower position under Demelza just as if in her shadow, Elizabeth would have an emotional reaction to this. This would include an outburst and a plan to redress this which would reveal the extent of Elizabeth's displacement and bitterness.